Things 20 years of Marriage have taught me…

Will Crawford —  June 24, 2011

6)      Invite your spouse into your sexuality.
This goes far beyond having good marital sex which seems to be what most people try to address in this area. Inviting your spouse into your sexuality is more the intimacy of true transparency in the area of how you are wired, tempted and
even dysfunctional, sexually. Without a doubt this gets very personal but there is no person who should know the details of who we are sexually more than your spouse. I believe with all my heart, that the greatest protection against marital infidelity is the openness of our ‘inside stuff’ with our spouse. Often that ‘inside stuff’ will touch on, if not be completely entwined with, our sexuality. I am like most men, I grew up with unhealthy thoughts and exposures
to sex.

That, along with just my maleness, means there is often stuff going on inside of me which makes me vulnerable to going places and doing things that are not honoring to my marital vows or my relationship with God. There are some out there who will say the best way to deal with this type of temptation is to put filters on all your visual portals, to set up accountability partners or to try to just ignore those thoughts and cravings. Those things may be, and are in many cases, helpful but I don’t think they get to the heart of the issue nearly as well as opening up to your wife and letting her know where you are at. She is, without a doubt, the best protection you have against temptation.

By letting her into those struggles she knows where you are really at and how you really are doing. This allows her to help both meet your needs but also know your secrets. I have heard it said that the power of addiction is in the keeping of the secret.  If I desire to remain true and faithful to my marriage I need to continually be revealing my ‘secret’ or that hidden part of my sexuality to her.

This is true for women as well.  We, as men, need to be invited and step into our wives sexuality as. This is not a place
most of us men want to go. Primarily because for women sexuality is so closely connected to emotional issues and this is a place most of us men aren’t so strong or comfortable.  However, if we step into that area and listen to how our wives feel inside, if we will be sensitive to her insecurities and to what she feels in her sexuality, we can help to protect her as well and help her become more whole in that area of her life. In today’s society, vulnerability in our sexuality with our spouse is a crucial element to a lasting marriage.